Letter of Apology & More Info (by JohnBaku )

For those that may not have access to FetLife, this was posted in response to this post of mine being linked to from within the site and hitting their “Kinky & Popular” page:

Letter of Apology & More Info - FetLife Announcements

Over 3 years ago, @Yianni69 and I were flown down to SF for some meetings. After 9 hours of flying, 5 hours of meetings, and very little food… we went to a Kink.com party. At the party I had 4-5 drinks. Not a crazy amount… but with the crazy day we had… it was irresponsible of me.

Not only was it a horrible idea because 4-5 drinks hit me like a ton of bricks but because I already promised that I would go to a party that was being held at the SF Citadel that night.

I will forever regret my next decision. I decided that even though I was drunk that it was better that I go to the event then let people down. That was probably the biggest mistake of my life… one I will continue to pay for… and for good reason.

The next day, I realized that I made a huge mistake by going to the party and I felt extremely guilty for ruining many people’s night.

Over the next week I talked to in person, called, and emailed at least a dozen people to apologize profusely for my actions. Everyone I spoke to was really understanding and forgiving. I really really appreciated that pretty much everyone accepted my apology.

That was the first time I ever went drunk to an event and the last time.

Many might ask why I didn’t make a formal apology to the community about this over 3 years ago. Because that night, I cheated on my girlfriend of 3 months, and I couldn’t, at the time, man up tell her what I did. I didn’t want to hurt her. But in the end, I ended up hurting her even more. Thank god she’s accepted my apology and we’ve worked through things and have now been together for 3 and a half years. Love you babes.

Why am I making a formal apology now? One, because it is long overdue and two, because it was brought up in someone’s writing that made K&P today.

In that writing, the user links to a blog post where the author hypothesizes that the reason we don’t allow people to name their abusers is because I sexually assaulted her that night.

When I saw that, I felt so friggn sick. I know I was really happy that night but if anyone pushed me away or said no I would have stopped what I was doing. So I checked all my private messages (PMs) with this person. In one PM I apologized profusely for any inappropriate advances I might have made towards her. In their response, they thought that overall it was kind of funny and even slightly endearing. That they just felt flattered at the attention. That it’s fun to get pawed everyone once in a while and no one ever bites their neck and that I decorated her neck quite nicely.

122 days later, she started another conversation with me making fun of the fact that sometimes I am listed as the “Creator of FetLife” and was all cute with me.

269 days later, she posted a pic of us from that night. I asked her nicely to take the pic of us down. She removed it and was extremely nice about it. Their were two reasons why I asked her to take it down (1) to not hurt my gf and (2) because I am embarrassed about that night.

So reading today that I sexually assaulted her was shocking to me considering all the conversations we’ve had together since.

And no matter what, I will never forgive myself for what I did that night. The fact that I went to a party drunk, the fact that I cheated on my gf, and the fact that I let down this community. I am really really sorry for what I did and I completely understand anyone who is extremely disappointed with me.

NOTE: This is an apology and what happened at the SF Citadel over 3 years ago. With respect to naming abusers, please see this announcement.