…if we continue to track spam reports this way, assuming that the publication of this post doesn’t change griefers’ future behaviors, we will eventually see the pattern described above repeat. That is, we’ll see the friends of an alleged abuser start to spam FAADE by reporting themselves with griefer reports. If this hypothesis can be proven, it may provide a far more reliable red flag for identifying social groups where consent violations are likely to be covered up rather than addressed constructively.

Those social groups are, to put it politely, not places where I would want to spend much time….

(Source: thecautiouskinkster)

But in a sometimes jarring juxtaposition, the language of a guarded, institutional caution bleeds through too, from scout leaders who seemed to be protecting the organization, or were suffused with the belief — others might call it naïveté — that a man who had admitted wrongdoing with young boys should be given a second chance.

“He recognizes that he has had a problem, and he is personally taking steps to resolve this situation,” a scout executive wrote in a memo in August 1972 about a leader who, only a week earlier, had admitted “acts of perversion with several troop members.”

“I would like to let this case drop,” the executive continued. “My personal opinion in this particular case is, ‘If it don’t stink, don’t stir it.’ ”

…Polanco, an unarmed national guardsman, was shot dead by police early Thursday morning.

Police say Polanco was driving home from a club early Thursday morning with two female friends on the Grand Central Parkway.

Emergency service unit officers say Polanco was driving erratically and that he cut off one of their unmarked vehicles.

They pulled him over.

Two ESU officers approached his car and in moments, 39-year-old veteran ESU cop Hassan Hamdy opened fire, striking Polanco once in the abdomen.

Polanco had no gun or weapon and the passenger in the front seat told police that Hamdy opened fire before anyone could show their hands.

His mother is concerned about how her son will be portrayed as the investigation continues.

“We want to believe in the law,” Reyes said. “We don’t want to have to be afraid of the law….

(Source: a-world-of-abuse)

…Where does austerity fit in to this story? Mostly it doesn’t. Shaving an extra couple of points off the structural deficit will make very little difference to long-run solvency, nor will it do much to accelerate the pace of internal devaluation. It will, however, depress employment even further and inflict a lot of direct suffering too through cuts in social programs.

Why do it, then? Partly it’s because Europe is still operating on the false theory that this is essentially a fiscal issue; partly it’s to assuage the Germans, who remain convinced that those lazy Southern Europeans are getting away with something. In effect, the policy is to inflict pain for the sake of inflicting pain.

Which brings us to the question: can this go on? When do the people of the afflicted economies say that they can bear no more?

The news from Spain, with vast protests and talk of secession, suggests that this moment may be approaching fast. Also, while Greece has long since ceased to be the epicenter, things seem to be breaking down there too.

I really do think Draghi has done very well. But he can’t make internal devaluation work on his own, and he can’t save Europe if its leaders continue to think that gratuitous infliction of pain is sound policy.

(Source: a-world-of-abuse)

…The details are contained in the organization’s confidential “perversion files,” a blacklist of alleged molesters, that the Scouts have used internally since 1919. Scouts’ lawyers around the country have been fighting in court to keep the files from public view.

As The Times reported in August, the blacklist often didn’t work: Men expelled for alleged abuses returned to the program, only to be accused of molesting again. Now, a more extensive review has shown Scouts sometimes abetted molesters by keeping allegations under wraps.

In the majority of cases, the Scouts learned of alleged abuse after it had been reported to authorities. But in more than 500 instances, the Scouts learned about it from victims, parents, staff members or anonymous tips.

In about 400 of those cases — 80 percent — there is no record of Scouting officials reporting the allegations to police. In more than 100 cases, officials actively sought to conceal the alleged abuse or allowed the suspects to hide it, The Times found.

In 1976, five Boy Scouts wrote detailed complaints accusing a Pennsylvania scoutmaster of two rapes and other sex crimes, according to his file. He abruptly resigned in writing, saying he had to travel more for work.

“Good luck to you in your new position,” a top troop representative wrote back. He said he accepted the resignation “with extreme regret.”

Scouting officials declined to be interviewed for this article. In a prepared statement, spokesman Deron Smith said, “We have always cooperated fully with any request from law enforcement and today require our members to report even suspicion of abuse directly to their local authorities.”

The organization instituted that requirement in 2010. Before then, the policy was to obey state laws, which didn’t always require youth groups to report abuse. But in some instances, the Scouts may have violated state laws.

A cover sheet that accompanied many confidential files included a check box labeled “Internal (only scouts know)” as an option for how cases were resolved.

A form letter sent to leaders being dismissed over abuse allegations stated: “We are making no accusations and will not release this information to anyone, so our action in no way will affect your standing in the community.”

That letter was included in the organization’s 1972 policy on how to remove unfit leaders, which, according to an attached memo, was kept confidential “because of misunderstandings which could develop if it were widely distributed.”

The files at times provide an incomplete account of how abuse allegations were resolved. In his statement, the Scouting spokesman said, “In many instances, basic details are missing as they were not relevant to the BSA’s sole reason for keeping files, which was to help identify and keep a list of individuals deemed to be unfit for membership in Scouting.”

Still, they reveal a culture in which even known molesters were shown extraordinary deference.

The Boy Scouts’ lawyers have long contended that keeping such files confidential is key to protecting the privacy of victims, of those who report sexual abuse and of anyone falsely accused. But over the years, hundreds of the files have been admitted into evidence — usually under seal — in lawsuits brought by alleged victims….

(Source: a-world-of-abuse)

a-world-of-abuse:

The Nice Person Syndrome
from: “Anal Pleasure & Health”, by Jack Morin (Down There Press, 1998), pages 145-147

…Some of us are strongly influenced by a destructive pattern called the Nice Person Syndrome, which distorts or totally blocks effective communication. The Nice Person Syndrome is an exaggerated role adopted during childhood as a means of getting approval and affection. Nice People are carefully trained to be good boys and girls at all costs. They’re steeped too soon and heavily in the values of unselfishness, cooperation, and pleasing others. They grow up inclined to defer to the wishes of others and to put their own desires in second place, or ignore them all together.

I use the word Nice (capital N) to describe adults who still act like good boys and girls. Such people are often highly intuitive but they use their sensitivity mostly for the purpose of discerning what’s expected of them. They have a profound need to be liked and will violate, if necessary, their own integrity for even the possibility of love and affection. Ironically, they usually are accepted and well-liked, but they’re not satisfied because they know they’ve withheld something of their true identity. As a result, Nice People often live in fear that nobody will ever truly love them — including their imperfections and blemishes. They’re convinced they must be perfect yet they’re constantly and painfully aware that they’re not. Not surprisingly, they often exhibit bodily signs — including anal tension — of an unrelenting inner conflict.

Nice People operate on the basis of one central conviction: The only way to get what I need is to avoid upsetting anyone. They’re usually very good at getting what they want without asking for it, but there’s always something missing. Spontaneity is difficult since each interpersonal exchange is, in a sense, a performance. Keeping up the image requires constant vigilance, since all “bad” qualities — such as anger, selfishness, or competitiveness — must either be squelched, denied, or re-channeled in such a way that they at least _appear_ nice.

I’ve deliberately presented a somewhat exaggerated characterization. But in it you may be able to see aspects of yourself. If so, I suggest that you look more closely at the negative effects this pattern is having on your relationships and sexuality. The impact of the Nice Person Syndrome is typically heightened in the presence of a significant other. This helps explain why some men and women can feel very relaxed and safe when they’re alone, but tense up when they’re with someone. In fact, people who have trouble sharing anal pleasure with a partner when they can easily give it to themselves often discover that playing Nice is getting in the way.

Nice People have trouble making straightforward requests. Instead, they tend to be manipulative, maybe dropping a few hints or else giving what they, in fact, want to get. One of my clients expressed his strategy for getting what he wanted from people as “nicing them into submission.” Nice People believe that if they’re just good enough, others will eventually discern what they want and give it to them. When this doesn’t happen they’re hurt. They would feel angry too — but that’s not Nice.

Nice People are usually “rescuers” who gravitate toward taking care of others. We rescue somebody each time we withhold or distort our true feelings to avoid hurting or upsetting the other person. We do the same thing when we go along with something when we really don’t want to. What we usually don’t realize is that in rescuing others we treat them as helpless victims who can’t take care of themselves. Rescuing, except in instances when someone genuinely needs help, is actually a subtle put-down.

Because Nice People have trouble expressing their desires, they tend to infuse potentially pleasurable situations with obligation and duty. After launching a sexual encounter they may feel compelled to go through with it to the bitter end. This is one reason why making requests and taking breaks is especially important, although at times exceedingly difficult.

All of the experiences suggested here can help you become more cooperatively selfish. Non-manipulative communication is the only way to remain simultaneously in full contact with yourself and your partner. Obviously, if you tune out your partner, touching can become an exercise in alienation. But what many fail to recognize is that if you ignore your own desires and feelings, then you have very little to share….

thecautiouskinkster:

An oldy-but-a-goody. Kink ‘community’s’ abuse problem has been around for a long long long time. Used to be that discarded subjects of abuse were routinely told they had no one to blame but themselves. Used to be that the discarded subjects of abuse had nowhere to go. Many probably thought they were the only ones . … .

& then the internet happened. & all those discarded subjects of abuse, when they speak out, now they can easily connect with all the many other subjects of abuse from the kink scene. & they are discovering that they are legion. & they are organizing. & they are resisting the status quo that used them & discarded them & systemically devalued them. & that resistance is a good thing:

maymay:

Posts about abuse in the BDSM Scene are making their way through the blogosphere…

(Source: fetlife.com)