maidenmacabre:

my-kittens-daddy:

fuck1ng-pixie:

2beeadorable:

fuck1ng-pixie:

AND THIS THE GOD DAMN EXACT REASON I NEVER WANTED TO MAKE A FETLIFE.

HERE IT IS EVERYONE.

THIS MAN IS 37 YEARS OLD AND STILL DOESN’T UNDERSTAND CONSENT.

FUCK

THAT

flood his inbox with hate

Don’t do that.

fuck that…sick the Legion on his ass….

THIS.

(Source: , via sexgenderbody)

johnsnafu:

People are so mean. And sheesh, what’s with all the drinking comments? How many times does a bro have to say he’s sorry, yo?
Like I said in the OP:

Bullying and Calling Out People 
There is a right and a wrong way to educate kinksters, and calling people out in public is definitely not the right way to go about it. As a community, we need to be welcoming people and not leaving a bad taste in their mouths! #InsertSexualJokeHere

Somebody’s asking for the ban hammer. Booyah! Taste that.

Nice timing. Goes well with the article I’ve been quoting all morning:

That’s why it’s uncomfortable to have so many people insist that there’s an easy fix for troll targets, the “ignore the bullies and they’ll go away” fix, usually spouted by people who haven’t considered for a moment that the trolls may very well be actual people who are trying to protect and perpetuate sexism. West is skeptical of the ignore-the-trolls strategy:

In other words, when we ignore the issue—leaving trolls to twist in the wind—not only does it not fix anything, it actively hurts us. It poisons healthy conversations. And, more specifically, it actively drives women off the internet and out of the conversation and back into our “safe spaces”—which is exactly what the trolls want. They want us to shut up. They want us out of their territory.

Trolls want to silence women. When they are allowed to shout at you without a response, they have created a microcosm of the world they want, where men are yelling at women who are sitting there and taking it. This is an interesting point, though as West points out, trolls also “win” when they get attention—particularly with the “women won’t fuck me like I deserve!” anger mobs, getting negative attention from women becomes a sort of revenge for them. So it’s tough, but like sexual harassers, trolls know how to create a situation where you can’t win: Either you endure their harassment or you are a “bitch” for pushing back. Cultural misogyny works in their favor.
I would argue that people who are dogmatic on the “ignore the trolls” front—who are far disproportionately men, in my experience—have ulterior motives a lot of the time. Not that they support misogyny! On the contrary, I think misogyny makes a lot of men uncomfortable, and so they try to fix their discomfort by pressuring women being attacked by trolls to conceal what’s happening. From Mason’s piece:

Stella Creasy MP and Caroline Criado-Perez have been targeted now for days, together with other high profile women. They’ve been criticised for re-tweeting the abuse, instead of the strategy of ignore and block. Ms Norton says:
“I think there’s a good space for the re-tweet. I think there’s a really, really good space for saying ‘This is what I’m dealing with and this is what is happening.’ I think that it’s not something to be used in isolation, and it needs to involve critique as opposed to attack.”

I retweet trolls a lot (and then usually block them immediately, because I know that there is no potential for actual discourse here). I get a lot of shit for it, mostly from men. Every time a man condescendingly tells me, “You are giving them attention! Just ignore and block them!”, I hear, “Being exposed to the brutal misogyny you get aimed at you every day is uncomfortable. It would be so much better for me if I didn’t have to know this is what’s going on.” This phenomenon is not unique to the internet. Kids who get bullied get “don’t be a tattletale” from adults. Women who get street harassed end up having to apologize for making men in their lives uncomfortable by bringing it up. The intention is almost never to tell someone they are to suffer this in silence, but the effect is that you are telling them just that.
via Misogynist Trolls Have An Agenda, And It’s Not Lulz | The Raw Story)

johnsnafu:

People are so mean. And sheesh, what’s with all the drinking comments? How many times does a bro have to say he’s sorry, yo?

Like I said in the OP:

Bullying and Calling Out People 

There is a right and a wrong way to educate kinksters, and calling people out in public is definitely not the right way to go about it. As a community, we need to be welcoming people and not leaving a bad taste in their mouths! #InsertSexualJokeHere

Somebody’s asking for the ban hammer. Booyah! Taste that.

Nice timing. Goes well with the article I’ve been quoting all morning:

That’s why it’s uncomfortable to have so many people insist that there’s an easy fix for troll targets, the “ignore the bullies and they’ll go away” fix, usually spouted by people who haven’t considered for a moment that the trolls may very well be actual people who are trying to protect and perpetuate sexism. West is skeptical of the ignore-the-trolls strategy:

In other words, when we ignore the issue—leaving trolls to twist in the wind—not only does it not fix anything, it actively hurts us. It poisons healthy conversations. And, more specifically, it actively drives women off the internet and out of the conversation and back into our “safe spaces”—which is exactly what the trolls want. They want us to shut up. They want us out of their territory.

Trolls want to silence women. When they are allowed to shout at you without a response, they have created a microcosm of the world they want, where men are yelling at women who are sitting there and taking it. This is an interesting point, though as West points out, trolls also “win” when they get attention—particularly with the “women won’t fuck me like I deserve!” anger mobs, getting negative attention from women becomes a sort of revenge for them. So it’s tough, but like sexual harassers, trolls know how to create a situation where you can’t win: Either you endure their harassment or you are a “bitch” for pushing back. Cultural misogyny works in their favor.

I would argue that people who are dogmatic on the “ignore the trolls” front—who are far disproportionately men, in my experience—have ulterior motives a lot of the time. Not that they support misogyny! On the contrary, I think misogyny makes a lot of men uncomfortable, and so they try to fix their discomfort by pressuring women being attacked by trolls to conceal what’s happening. From Mason’s piece:

Stella Creasy MP and Caroline Criado-Perez have been targeted now for days, together with other high profile women. They’ve been criticised for re-tweeting the abuse, instead of the strategy of ignore and block. Ms Norton says:

“I think there’s a good space for the re-tweet. I think there’s a really, really good space for saying ‘This is what I’m dealing with and this is what is happening.’ I think that it’s not something to be used in isolation, and it needs to involve critique as opposed to attack.”

I retweet trolls a lot (and then usually block them immediately, because I know that there is no potential for actual discourse here). I get a lot of shit for it, mostly from men. Every time a man condescendingly tells me, “You are giving them attention! Just ignore and block them!”, I hear, “Being exposed to the brutal misogyny you get aimed at you every day is uncomfortable. It would be so much better for me if I didn’t have to know this is what’s going on.” This phenomenon is not unique to the internet. Kids who get bullied get “don’t be a tattletale” from adults. Women who get street harassed end up having to apologize for making men in their lives uncomfortable by bringing it up. The intention is almost never to tell someone they are to suffer this in silence, but the effect is that you are telling them just that.

via Misogynist Trolls Have An Agenda, And It’s Not Lulz | The Raw Story)

(Source: facebook.com)

…FetLife wants you to believe their walled garden is safe, but not only can anyone create an account in seconds, the walls themselves are full of holes. The security problems with FetLife were put on display when last summer, a simple proxy connection service was set up to allow access to the site without an account. FetLife responded by trying to block the server and assure everyone that the bad person had been stopped, without actually fixing the security holes. This preference for spin over reality is commonplace at FetLife and its allies. For example, I tried to talk to Alan, Esq., one of the leaders of the NCSF, at CatalystCon in March about the FAADE tool. Instead, he went off on a rant about this supposed hack and how fishy a person Maymay was, and loudly declared he had no idea why Maymay did what he did. Really, I said? Because Maymay has been very transparent about it on his blog. It quickly became apparent that Alan had no idea what I was talking about, no any desire to educate himself.[3] Let’s be real. Maymay did this with the express purpose of showing that FetLife was insecure, all the while live-tweeting the event. This is how people who work to expose security flaws so they can be fixed operate, not how hackers opperate. But don’t take my word for it:

“Nobody ‘hacked’ FetLife,” says Yonatan Zunger, chief architect of Google’s social network Google Plus, when we explain the situation. “No locks were picked; someone simply noticed that FetLife never locked the door in the first place.”…

(Source: thecautiouskinkster)

Tags: fetlife


So I’m reading this rather quite excellent thread in a group here on Facebook and I start trying to figure out how to best share it. Figured it was a public group, so linking should be no problem. Turns out the link requires you to be logged in to Facebook to see it. Any login. Which I realized is the exact same level of security as most everything on Fetlife. For some reason that really tickles me.

So I’m reading this rather quite excellent thread in a group here on Facebook and I start trying to figure out how to best share it. Figured it was a public group, so linking should be no problem. Turns out the link requires you to be logged in to Facebook to see it. Any login. Which I realized is the exact same level of security as most everything on Fetlife. For some reason that really tickles me.

"FetLife is a really scary, creepy website, in my opinion, and merely requires interacting from one’s computer, so I don’t see it as indicating engagement with the wider community. […] To my understanding, one of the people running NCSF also runs FetLife, and I have seen ads and mentions of NCSF on FetLife. The way FetLife and NCSF talk about consent is pretty much the same, and that is – they both talk about consent as being mostly the responsibility of the bottom/sub/woman, or at least not as being particularly a matter of actually *not violating someone’s consent*. Most of the things I’ve read on FetLife about consent have been about how people need to stop complaining about consent violations, or wrongful accusations of consent violations. NCSF has the same focus when it comes to talking about consent – it’s primary focus is on protecting those who are wrongfully accused of consent violations. Therefore, it is equally if not even more plausible that a disproportionately high number of respondents to the survey were those who think the same way as FetLife and NCSF about consent, because those who do not might not even be on FetLife or take NCSF seriously, and those who do would be eager to fill out the survey to demonstrate how supposedly *low* the consent violations are. If anything, it might be in NCSF’s interest to keep the numbers low."

Comment on “One in Three Kinksters Reports a Consent Violation” (via maymay)

(via )


ICYMI: I’ve released a Fetlife Export Tool that doesn’t invite search engines to index your site: export.agevitam.net
— Sebastian (@AgeVitam) April 14, 2013

About this tool
This is not just a mirror of Maymay’s Fetlife Exporter. The tool on this site is based around the same open source script, but there are a few important differences. I made this tool with two goals in mind: first, I want to stop using Fetlife, which means I want my friends to stop using Fetlife. Second, I want to force Fetlife to end their policy of obfuscating their security problems. This tool will help accomplish the first goal by helping people get around one of the main obstacles to leaving Fetlife: the desire not to lose their data. And it will help accomplish the second goal by A: drawing attention to the security problems that Fetlife is trying to hide and B: attempting to address all of the concerns, no matter how ridiculous, that Fetlife raised in their FUD campaign against Maymay’s exporter.

Tags: fetlife


I unfriended John a few years ago when he tweeted a screenshot of his FetLife feed which had my & [REDACTED]’s & other people’s activity/fet names/profile pics. The image was publicly accessible on the web, & I promptly took steps to make sure I didn’t show up on his friend activity feed any more. I appreciate his site, but I don’t think he exercises the best discretion on his public web presence.

I unfriended John a few years ago when he tweeted a screenshot of his FetLife feed which had my & [REDACTED]’s & other people’s activity/fet names/profile pics. The image was publicly accessible on the web, & I promptly took steps to make sure I didn’t show up on his friend activity feed any more. I appreciate his site, but I don’t think he exercises the best discretion on his public web presence.

(Source: fetlife.com)


When I was contacting members who had seemed to have run the export tool, several of them had never even heard of the tool, and had no idea who maymay was. Remember - this was a week before this announcement from SusanWright, but we weren’t encouraged to publicly talk about it and threads on Fetlife Tech Support were being shut down.
Yes, there were undoubtedly people who used the tool knowingly, but when 40% of the people I contacted had no idea what I was talking about when I first contacted them, I am very reticent about putting this down purely to user error of judgement.
When I was contacting members who had seemed to have run the export tool, several of them had never even heard of the tool, and had no idea who maymay was. Remember - this was a week before this announcement from SusanWright, but we weren’t encouraged to publicly talk about it and threads on Fetlife Tech Support were being shut down.

Yes, there were undoubtedly people who used the tool knowingly, but when 40% of the people I contacted had no idea what I was talking about when I first contacted them, I am very reticent about putting this down purely to user error of judgement.

Tags: fetlife


At the end of the day, two people went out of their way to screw her over, potentially placing her at real risk, and used Fetlife to do it. Many of us find it unfair that the punishment for that is disproportionate compared to the punishment of others for relatively minor offenses that have no real consequences.
The core problem, I think, is that the Fetlife TOU and its enforcement are primarily about creating a harmonious environment conducive to revenue, NOT about protecting people. This is why if you hurt someone’s feelings, expose problems, or call someone out on their bullshit, punishment is more swift and more likely than if you actually do something to threaten someone’s privacy or physical well-being. And it’s why following the letter of the law counts more than following the spirit of the law. Following rules provides harmony, following principles provides fairness.

At the end of the day, two people went out of their way to screw her over, potentially placing her at real risk, and used Fetlife to do it. Many of us find it unfair that the punishment for that is disproportionate compared to the punishment of others for relatively minor offenses that have no real consequences.

The core problem, I think, is that the Fetlife TOU and its enforcement are primarily about creating a harmonious environment conducive to revenue, NOT about protecting people. This is why if you hurt someone’s feelings, expose problems, or call someone out on their bullshit, punishment is more swift and more likely than if you actually do something to threaten someone’s privacy or physical well-being. And it’s why following the letter of the law counts more than following the spirit of the law. Following rules provides harmony, following principles provides fairness.



Looking at the KP today it seams all critical posts is removed while all posts angry at ppl being critical is left? I find it very disturbing if critique equals causing drama and if this is not just a coincidence with the mention of censoring the KP to avoid drama..

Yeah- it’s curious that “An Open Letter to John Baku” has disappeared, while”An Open Sandwich to John Baku” is still there.
Somehow, the posts calling him “our fearless leader” seemed a lot more amusing before he was acting openly like a dictator.

Looking at the KP today it seams all critical posts is removed while all posts angry at ppl being critical is left? I find it very disturbing if critique equals causing drama and if this is not just a coincidence with the mention of censoring the KP to avoid drama..

Yeah- it’s curious that “An Open Letter to John Baku” has disappeared, while”An Open Sandwich to John Baku” is still there.

Somehow, the posts calling him “our fearless leader” seemed a lot more amusing before he was acting openly like a dictator.


"Being critical is also abuse."

Oh, Fetife.

"Being critical is also abuse."

Oh, Fetife.

Nice catch.

Also note the use of “real”, as in not up to his standards.

(Source: twitter.com)

maymay:

This is interesting.

Since I had some free time today, I thought I’d play around with this issue you highlighted about FetLife videos being available by a direct link. You’re right, of course, that’s an issue FetLife should deal with.

So I whipped up a new “FetLife Video Sharer” script that makes it easy to share links to FetLife videos that are posted in FetLife groups and such, and—although I couldn’t test this myself because I won’t ever pay for a FetLife subscription, obviously—adds a “Share this video!” link to each FetLife Video page under the “VID411” header on the right side. If it works, it should look like this:

If you click on that, you’ll get a pop-up offering you a few different ways to share the link. The same thing happens if someone posts a direct link to a video somewhere else on FetLife:

Since I coded this completely blind, I’d love help and detailed feedback testing it. Thanks!

sinshine:

Share your Fetlife videos with friends for free!

This is a friends only video I uploaded on Fetlife.

Not only does Fetlife normally require you to log in to view it (and to be a paid member), but you must be my friend.

Since I have no friends on Fetlife, it should therefore be theoretically unviewable by anybody on Fetlife but myself, correct? So none of those paying members are getting the benefit of this super awesome really special video, correct?

So far so good. I like that. I like that a lot. Especially since I can show this super awesome really special video to all my peeps (and hide it from the creeps!) without anybody having to purchase a goddamn thing (even if I delete it[!], because I hear these links stay up indeterminately even after the user deletes their content and/or profile).

Why would you want to be able to send content to your friends without them having to log into or pay Fetlife? Because lots of us have friends who may be kinky but don’t wanna have anything to do with that site. Or are broke. Or both.

So for them, a video of the coolest faucet ever. Enjoy.

The issue is fairness. The issue is consistency. The issue is the fact that the people who we’re accountable to in relation to abiding by the Terms we agreed to are not bound to them, except at their whim and if they choose to do so.

That is the issue.

The horrible fact of the matter is that it took nothing less than the compromised physical safety of one of our own to bring this to light.

I love my privacy.

I used to be Almost Famous. I managed to keep my public self and my private self completely separate and I was actually one of the best known people in my age group in my geographic location.

I guarded my “real life” like it was made out of eggshells and ensured that my “working persona” didn’t infringe on my enjoyment of my life.

I was a radio personality. I had the highest rated show in my time slot IN THE COUNTRY at one point, and still none but my very closest peeps knew that I was the sexy, sexy voice bringing you all the hippest sounds before they happened.

I was just a radio voice.

But still it was important to me to keep life separate so that I could enjoy it.

I was so good at it, that I’d leave work and go to school where I’d join in on the water cooler discussions of the craziness that had happened on the show the night before.

My safety wasn’t an issue, or if it was, it never manifested itself overtly. It was just something I wanted. Something I demanded. Something that my employers and family and friends respected.

They allowed me to maintain my mild mannered alter ego for 11 long years, and for that I thank them profusely.

Unfortunately…very unfortunately…the center of this shit storm can’t say the same thing.

She wasn’t just “outed” as a kink.

She wasn’t just “outed” as a person.

She was outed as someone who was at the middle of a storm the likes of which most of us can’t imagine. She was outed specifically to put her in grave personal danger.

She’s in hiding. Literally.

And, strangely, that I get, too.

One of my best teenaged friends has been in hiding for almost 23 years from a murderer. She survived and that is her crime.

She changed her name. She changed her looks. She changed her *her*.

And she tries to live life after a night of hell that I wouldn’t wish on anyone…not even the people who are bitching and screaming about bringing on the drama yourself.

The woman at the centre of this controversy committed the crime of trust.

We’ve all done it.

Not one of us has the right to cast the first stone in the fight of “you brought it on yourself”. We’ve all committed a classic blunder.

But…and like a lot of the ones who are dragging her over the coals to be burnt in effigy…this is a BIG BUT:

## WHAT HAPPENED TO HOODIE ISN’T ACTUALLY THE ISSUE, YO!

What happened when she turned to get the support she deserved based on the agreement she made with this website is.

Did I speak slowly and clearly enough for you to understand that? Did all of you in the cheap seats get it?

This isn’t about what Hoodie did. Or didn’t do. Or maybe did. Or the mistakes she made in her personal life or your Monday Morning Quarterbacking from your esteemed high horse.

This is about what happened when she expected her real life identity to be protected HERE by the people who told her very clearly when she joined that incidents of outing were not to be tolerated.

And she’s not the only one.

She’s the latest.

And she’s the most extreme case.

And she’s struck a chord.

Because her identity was outed in relation to her relationship to a murderer from whom she’s hiding.

She’s free.

That means she’s allowed to live a life.

Just like me. Just like you.

Whatever sins she may or may not have committed…I can’t comment. All I know is that she’s free and she has the right to remain so.

And this website clearly stated that her right to anonymity should she
choose it is not to be trifled with.

On paper.

That is the issue.

On paper.

It’s not enforced. Except when convenient.

And the people “in charge” question the validity of documents that would be ironclad anywhere but here in the land of cupcakes and candycorns.

A friend and I were talking about the nonstop flow of fail coming from Fetlife when they said, “FailLife is the gift that keeps on giving that the reasonable person just wants to give back”. 

Which made me think of fruitcake; which made me think of this movie (which I guess Siskel & Ebert hated):

Mixed Nuts Movie Trailer 1994

This is my very favorite xmas movie ever. And for being a comedy made in 1994, I don’t think they did a half bad job with the trans character. She takes herself seriously and most everybody else does too, even though Steve Martin’s character’s discomfort was played for laughs, as you can see in the trailer. Of course, his character is the kind you want to make uncomfortable, so that helps.

A major theme of the movie is how his character is supposedly all about helping people but he’s actually very shut off and distanced from them. You get the idea he holds himself above ordinary mortals.

This movie is really sweet. It’s like an over the top romantic comedy version of Weekend At Bernies. At Christmas.