winifredjay:

Still working on it, but getting better :D

Not knowing what women are like (or taste like) has never stopped the Pope from offering his unsolicited advice to women—no birth control, no abortions, no oral, no anal, no handjobs—and it’s hypocritical of you to suggest that I’m not qualified to advise women, since I won’t fuck ‘em, without first telling that old fag in Rome to STFU already.

Okay, yes, hilarious. But then this,

The possibility of taming one’s sexual desire for the sake of another most definitely exists within the Savage moral imagination. I frequently discuss the “price of admission,” that is, the personal sacrifices, small and large, that make long-term relationships possible. For some the price of admission—what it costs to ride a particular ride—includes “taming one’s sexual desire for the sake of another.” If anal sex is something you enjoy but you’re in love with someone who doesn’t do anal, then going without anal is the price of admission. If you’re not into monogamy but you’re in love with someone who insists on it, then monogamy is the price of admission. Settling down requires settling for, as I’ve said time and again, and on the sexual front many of us settle for less because we regard our partners are worth the price of admission.

I’ve never heard it put that way before but this rings so true. Over the years I’ve found that I’m willing to pay surprisingly high prices of admission because, yeah, my partners are indeed damn worth it.

Openness and honesty don’t automatically translate into everyone gets everything everyone wants. Not all needs can be met. But sometimes just having the sacrifices we’ve made for the good of our marriages acknowledged, getting a receipt after paying the price of admission, is enough. To be given credit for, say, going without anal—along with the green light to jerk off to anal porn now and then—can make going without anal easier. Indeed, it can make going without anal virtuous, something that speaks well to the going-without-anal partner’s character and priorities.

But there are times when monogamy—its pressures, discontents, and unquestioned acceptance—can destroy an otherwise decent marriage. Some of these marriages could be saved if both partners were encouraged to come to a reasonable, mutually-agreeable accommodation. Only those who are obsessed with sex to an unhealthy degree place a higher value preserving monogamy within a particular marriage over saving that particular marriage itself.

Dan is the man.