Looking at a sleeping man’s hard on makes you wonder how that would work in a world where men were the default objects of rape culture and victim blaming.
"But look at that slut! Even passed out you can tell he wants it… He should have worn a chastity device if he didn’t want people to touch his junk while he sleeps. Or bound that shit up. You know any guy who doesn’t wrap is asking for it."
Remember that intimate conversation you had with your son? The one where you said, “I love you and I need you to know that no matter how a woman dresses or acts, it is not an invitation to cat call, taunt, harass or assault her”?
Or when you told your son, “A woman’s virginity isn’t a prize and sleeping with a woman doesn’t earn you a point”?
How about the heart-to-heart where you lovingly conferred the legal knowledge that “a woman doesn’t have to be fighting you and you don’t have to be pinning her down for it to be RAPE. Intoxication means she can’t legally consent, NOT that she’s an easy score.”
Or maybe you recall sharing my personal favorite, “Your sexual experiences don’t dictate your worth just like a woman’s sexual experiences don’t dictate hers.”
Last but not least, do you remember calling your son out when you discovered he was using the word “slut” liberally? Or when you overheard him talking about some girl from school as if she were more of a conquest than a person?
I want you to consider these conversations and then ask yourself why you don’t remember them. The likely reason is because you didn’t have them. In fact, most parents haven’t had them."
The first dozen times I heard this, I was horrified. But I heard it over and over again. I realized that many young men are not being taught the impact that sexual assault has on a woman. They are inundated by sexual imagery in the media, and often come to the (incorrect) conclusion that having sex is not a big deal. This, no doubt, is why the number of sexual assaults is so high."
Laurie Halse Anderson, author of Speak, on the question “Have any readers ever asked questions that shocked you?”
Read that again. Read it again, and again, and again. Over and over guys have asked her why Melinda was so upset about being raped. This is a girl who went to a party with friends. She was thirteen. She had a drink, because everyone else was. And a senior held her down and raped her while she was too drunk to get away.
And guys don’t understand why she was upset.
Read that again and then come back and tell me again why I should just shut up and take a joke when a comedian blows off rape as a big deal, or women’s bodies are casually treated as commodities in media. Remind me why I shouldn’t care about the very real harm that society’s treatment of women and sexual assault does.
I am so grateful for this book, and the film of it. One night when I couldn’t sleep because I was having night terrors about a month after being raped, I stumbled across the movie while channel-surfing. It might have saved my life. A lot of things saved my life that first year.
Here’s the thing about the quote: this is not unusual. Look at Steubenville. Look at all the stories about rape in the last year, the last five years, the last decade: The concern is for the ruined lives of men who violate women. The blame is constantly shifted to women. Constantly.
These boys don’t understand why Melinda is upset because they are constantly taught that they are entitled to women’s bodies and that women who are raped are always in some way at fault.
They are not taught that explicit consent and capacity for consent are necessary.
This is why they don’t understand.
That should horrify all of us.
Central Bureau of Investigation chief Ranjit Sinha made the remark Tuesday during a conference about illegal sports betting and the need to legalize gambling. The CBI, the country’s premier investigative agency, is India’s equivalent of the FBI.
Sinha said at the conference that if the state could not stop gambling, it could at least make some revenue by legalizing it.
"If you cannot enforce the ban on betting, it is like saying, ‘If you can’t prevent rape, you enjoy it,’" he said.
I am absolutely stunned.
Anonymous asked: I find the fixation that women in your profession have with "gentlemen" confusing, the word appears so frequently on your websites. I have internalised most of the concepts of the PUA community and this seems to contradict their fundamental tenet of "chicks dig jerks". I've been lead to believe that most women secretly crave brash, arseholish dudes who ignore women's feeble feminist protestations and force them into submission. Now I'm starting to question that. Please share your thoughts.
PUA as in Pick-Up-Artist culture?
Get the fuck off my blog.
No, on second thoughts, stay and listen close dickhead, you’re in need of some schooling.
The essence of PUA culture: exploiting the lack of self worth ingrained in women due to an oppressive patriarchal history designed to keep women and their bodies available and in submission to the power of ‘men’ at all times.
Doing this by undermining women’s self esteem DELIBERATELY, so they will seek approval by succumbing to society’s impossible dual expectation of women to be both modest and pure while being sexually available to men at their will, so as not to be prudish.
Women do not secretly crave brash arseholish dudes, and even just the fact that you labeled their protestations feeble and feminine speaks to how utterly repulsive this culture is, no wonder we have a problem with rape culture, when men are walking around literally thinking ‘if she says no, it’s just because what she really wants is a jerk to force her into submission.’
You have literally internalised rape culture.
You disgust me.
Do you know why sex workers constantly speak of only wanting to see ‘gentlemen’? Because we are a group of women who have discovered ownership of their bodies and who have no subservience to men, who know their worth and constantly negotiate access to it with the most explicit consent available.
Why the FUCK would we let ANYONE treat us the way PUAs treat women? If someone gives me the kind of backhanded compliment taught as a technique by that group, I would kick them in the fucking teeth, I have no need or desire to please anyone by letting them trample all over me so they can feel masculine and powerful. I KNOW I’m beautiful and smart and am desired, so why would I ever put up with anyone telling me otherwise?
If you ever want to be a decent human being, forget everything you ever learned about the game and start respecting the people around you as whole people, not trying to suck the live out of everyone so you have singular, lonely moments of false power.
Fantastic reply! And this really ties in with what I was saying in a previous post about sex worker’s taking no misogynistic bullshit from dickwad customers. And if you’ve never seen a sex worker talk down a customer you’re missing out on a fantastic lesson in “how to crush a mans spirit and ego”
We know how valuable we are, we don’t need a man to validate that, so we won’t put up with your bullshit.
I just can’t even…
ETA: Here’s a response to that exact quote, also on Slate:
In 2012, Carolyn L. Hsu, an associate professor of sociology at Colgate University, conducted a study on campus binge drinking and found that heavy alcohol consumption “is a symbolic proxy for high status in college,” because it’s “what the most powerful, wealthy and happy students on campus do.” Hsu identifies “higher-status” groups on campus as “wealthy, male, white, heterosexual, and Greek affiliated undergraduates.” Yoffe writes that if “female college students start moderating their drinking as a way of looking out for their own self-interest—and looking out for your own self-interest should be a primary feminist principle—I hope their restraint trickles down to the men.” But a “feminist” impulse for women to protect themselves by staying sober will not “trickle down” to boys, because they’re situated at the top of the social ladder. Booze may be a common accessory of powerful men on campus, but banning it won’t rob them of their influence. We’ll see real change on college campuses when we focus on dismantling the social structures that prioritize white, straight men and marginalize everyone else.
Because clearly having tits is asking for it.