Fantasies about pretty young white women being controlled, hurt and dominated by men have always been the the part of kink that nobody ever really had a problem with. During the crackdowns on the fetish and kink communities in the 1980s and early 1990s, submissive heterosexual women and their play partners were rarely targeted for prosecution. Today, when you think of ‘fetish’, many people think of Jean Paul Gaultier models strutting the runway in elegant leathers, and arty snaps of willowy girls doing Japanese rope bondage in low-lit loft apartments . You might not be quite so quick to picture middle-aged gay couples in matching latex, or enormous, hairy men called Nigel waddling around fetish clubs with joysticks up their bottoms and big grins on their faces, but kink has always been as much about them as it has been about the beautiful young girls, breakable or pretending to break others, who tend anyway to have less disposable income to spend on rubber.
Here are some non-standard sexual trends that editors at Newsweek, Glamour and Cosmopolitan are less keen to make headlines out of: poor women fucking. Black women fucking. Queer women fucking. Old women fucking. Fat women fucking, ugly women fucking, bossy, arrogant women fucking. Women who are dominant in bed. Women who like to penetrate men with big pink strap-ons. Women who want multiple sexual partners at once or in succession. Women who just want to go to bed early with a cup of tea, an Anna Span DVD and a spiked dildo the size of an eggplant. Here are some more: sex workers who want to be treated like workers, rather than social pariahs. men who want to get fucked. Men who are gentle and submissive in bed. Men who don’t enjoy penetrative sex. Men for whom sex is an overwhelming emotional experience. I guarantee you that all of these things go on, but any of them might actually destabilise for a second our cultural narrative of sex, gender and power, so none of them are allowed to be ‘trends’.Why ‘kink-positive’ doesn’t mean ‘pictures of young tied up skinny girls’.
Consent is hot, assault is not.
(Source: sexsmartbepositive, via anotherlgbttumblr)
Best. Site. Ever.
NSFW. From the fabulous Indifferent Cats in Amateur Porn, via @FakeAlanBostick.
indifferent-cats-in-amateur-porn:
Thanks Indie for this great find!
(Source: ifeelmyself.com)
At one point in time (hell, probably about this time last year), I had planned to do some photo shoots featuring beautiful male submission. Now, I don’t know exactly what this says about me, but every idea I came up with had to do with food. Specifically, serving food off of yummy men. Started with sushi, went through chocolate, fruit, and pizza, and ended up fantasizing about a full pancake breakfast. That one still makes me salivate.
Never did do the shoot. Life got in the way, big time, as it often tends to do. But someday I’d still like to, and this reminded me of that.
One thing I notice in this piece (thanks to maymay eyes) is that we can’t see the male’s face. We can’t see all of the female’s either, but we can see that she is enjoying herself.
I don’t know what to think about the lack of expressive male faces in submissive art. All I know is that from my own personal experience taking nekkid pictures, it’s not too dreadfully hard to get people to pose in front of the camera, but very, very few of them wish to have their faces shown on the internet.
I originally felt rather adamantly the same way until I started doing adult work and was persuaded that putting my face out there would make me seem more authentic and trustworthy. Other people don’t necessarily have that financial motivation. I would never have put my face on the internet at all had I not started doing adult work.
And, let’s face it - there’s stigma to appearing in smut. Folks with day jobs don’t wanna risk that. Even folks without day jobs often don’t. Folks with kids. Everyone makes their own choices.
But I suspect part of that choice is the double stigma of being a submissive male in our society. We’ve never talked about it explicitly, but I have a partner I often switch with. We never did any D/S stuff but still the dynamic appeared uneven. He would top me in public, and I would top him in private. I dunno how much of that was exhibitionism or fear of humiliation or just plain projection/laziness on my part. Probably the latter.
But I grudgingly have to admit that even though he is openly out about being kinky, I never posted any identifiable pictures of him bottoming to me because I personally thought they were too intimate, too exposing. I could have, and he would most likely have let me without a word, but … and this is my point … it was MY perception that it would lower his perceived status. Which is kind of an icky point to contemplate in regards to my perception of him, because while I don’t think that *I* think that way, I do think that *other* people think that way. Again, projection? Quite possibly, I don’t know. But it’s worth taking a good, hard look at.
Perhaps I was just afraid my contempt would show through. Because it was there, just a little bit. Not because he was bottoming to me, but because we had other problems in our relationship, mainly dealing with differing levels of sexual attraction and interest. And I didn’t want to make him look foolish to other people, even though I sometimes made him look that way for me. In a way, it was kinda fun, cuz, y’know, he hated it. Therapeutic, that.
Which resonates with a conversation I had this morning in the tub about love and hate and BDSM and relationships. I wish I could remember what exactly was said, but it was something about BDSM relieving the pressure of the relationship in a safe way.
This is something I want to explore more, but it terrifies me. I want the authenticity, the achingly real… but I know it will take me apart and put me back together in a different way when all is said and done. And that’s some scary shit.
(Source: carpediemanddance, via winifredjay)
— Author George R. R. Martin (A Song of Ice and Fire.) Interview published in May 2012 Rolling Stones Magazine. (via sweetupndown9)
(via yesigrok)
RE: People cheating with sex workers. It’s been really common for me to hear that sex workers are temptresses, luring men into cheating, or that sex workers are to blame if a man cheats. Why hasn’t it dawned on them that THE PERSON CHEATING IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR OWN ACTIONS! It is that person that has the responsibility to the relationship, and that person is the one SEEKING someone other than their partner for sexual gratification.
We agree 100%. The person who made the promise is the person with the obligation to keep it.
But sometimes, it’s easier to blame the seductive wiles of a professional with whom you could not possibly compete, rather than really contemplate what your partner did to you.
As for the sincere moralists out there, resisting temptation is supposed to be a virtue! Just think of our presence as…. virtue strength training. :D
i know that this says “whores”, not “strippers,” but everything on the list (by the wonderful Annie Sprinkle) could apply to any and all sex workers. Also, I drew her to look like a stripper (with the thigh high platforms and the money sticking out of her bra) cause it looked cool & made sense) thanks for the amazing blog!
(via sexworkerproblems)
YOUR ALMOST-MAGIC ABILITY TO INTUIT THE KINKS OF THE SHY FROM A FEW KEY PHRASES
I’m getting there.
PEOPLE WHO THINK FLATTERY IS A REASONABLE SUBSTITUTE FOR CURRENCY
(IT ISN’T.)
WE QUESTION MORALITY,
INTERROGATE AUTHORITY,
SPEAK TRUTH TO POWER,
AND FUCK IT IN THE ASS.
